Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
