Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
