can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
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How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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