And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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