I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
