i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
People in love make me want to vomit
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
