i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
