You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize