the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
