Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize