If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
