Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
