we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
