Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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