bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
