party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
