all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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