i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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