so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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