Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
