piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
