Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
