What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
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My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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