It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We just shotgunned beers for America
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
