my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
