I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
