He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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