I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
