i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
