sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You are a genius and a whore.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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