When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
