the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
time to smoke my breakfast
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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