I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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