hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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