we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
