Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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