I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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