I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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