just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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