He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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