he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
