Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
