Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
