I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
