If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish you could order shots online.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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