And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Are we still banned from the library?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
