Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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