In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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