I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just google imaged poop.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
