I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
