Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
pray to the hookup gods
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
