you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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