you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize