I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
