Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My underwear smells like fireworks.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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