There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
