the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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