we have officially lost it.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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