Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
